Tuesday, 13 November 2018

By Popular Demand - Doc Small (Season 2 Episode 14)

Good evening. My name is Doctor Alex Biting-Point. I am here today to discuss with you the human condition. Most humans are in a terrible condition...and that takes care of that.

Before I was a medical practitioner I worked in Sweaty Kens Paradise Kebab Shop. Due to this, when I was performing my first operations as a doctor I had to have the patient hung from a rotating bed before I could make the first incision.

Monday, 27 August 2018

Not A Lot Goin' On - Corner Gas News - August 2018

I just looked at the clock, it's quarter past August already! Where does the time go? We here in in England have been subjected this summer to something called sun. It has been so hot that ginger people, such as myself, have been spontaneously combusting on the pavement leaving nothing but a pair of boots with smoke coming out of them. It is very hard to be English in these sort of conditions. We have to stop complaining about the rain, which leaves us with a massive hole in our day with nothing to do. There have been swathes of pensioners, wandering the streets, trying to cope without a beige raincoat on. Our economy has taken a massive hit as umbrella sales hit an all time low and wellington boots manufacturing had to be slowed to a crawl. It's been hotter than Kylie Minogue's bottom wearing hot pants in a hot cross bun factory. 

Sunday, 29 July 2018

Sunday, 22 July 2018

Sunday, 15 July 2018

Corner Gas: Fan Made

Since I started Corner Gas Fan Corner I have encouraged audience participation. I get lot of nice e-mails and communication with many of you out there. However, entries of fan made Corner Gas items have been few and far between. So I thought I would give you a couple of examples of things that have been sent to me and a chunk of something I am working on to see if I can get your creative juices flowing.

Sunday, 1 July 2018

By Popular Demand - Picture Perfect (Season 3 Episode 9)

Hello everyone and welcome to your favourite game show Name That Gnome! We have three teams of wonderful contestants here competing to get to our final round where they could win not only their body weight in Sprudmuckers Home Style Chunky Cottage Cheese but they could also take home this weeks jackpot from Gary the Gnomes Lucky Pot O'Gold. Don't forget, no one claimed the star prize last week when our round winner, 87 year old Doris Prunes, couldn't make it through our qualifying obstacle course. If only she hadn't have worn red in the bull run. So it's a rollover week folks! Let's follow the magic rainbow totaliser and see what this weeks jackpot is.....

.....That's right! 77 whole cents could be going home tonight with one of our contestants, and don't forget, that's tax free! Before we meet our players let's have a word from our sponsor.

Monday, 11 June 2018

Not A Lot Goin' On - Corner Gas News June 2018

Many years ago, just after tea time, John Logie Baird was sitting at the dining room table. His belly was full up with the roast shortbread and Haggis Surprise his wife had lovingly prepared.
"What was the surprise in the Haggis John Logie Baird's wife?" asked John Logie Baird
"Do ye nay what is in Haggis the noo?" she replied Scottishly
"No" he replied, adjusting his sporran
"Well that's the surprise" she told him before hiding the cook book and starting the car engine ready for a quick getaway in case he found out. "It's ye turn ta dae the dishes dear." she advised
JLB looked sheepish, it must have been his white, curly hair. "Ahh I cannae the neet. I havetae invent the television" he bleated
"Not again, ye invented that three times this week already....the noo" she complained
"Ah yes but I have tee perfect Ultra HD and Dolby Tru Surround so we can watch Corner Gas Animated properly" he explained in an accent so broad it couldn't fit through the door.
His wife suddenly became over excited. We have yet to discover her name. John din't know what it was either, she had never told him and he didn't like to ask as they had been married quite some time now. "What time is Corner Gas Animated on?" She jabbered
"2018" he replied after checking his watch.
"Hoots mon! That's only 89 years away! I'll get the kettle on and boil some shortbread. You finish inventing that telly!"
JLB sat back knowing that he had changed history and successfully got out of doing the washing up again.

Sunday, 20 May 2018

Cooking with Gas (or Electric) - Chili Cheese Dogs

It has come to my attention that we, as human beings, have an innate design flaw. We regularly get hungry when there is no possibility of eating a chili cheese dog - food of kings and all time favourite of Brent Leroy. How often have you been in a car, in the dentists chair or sitting in McDonalds and there is nothing remotely edible in your immediate vicinity, let alone a decent chili cheese dog? During Scott's expedition, Lawrence Oates famously got so desperate for the sausagey treat that he found himself saying "I am just going out and I maybe sometime" before he headed off on his own to try and find an Antarctic branch of Dairy Queen.

Monday, 7 May 2018

By Popular Demand - Contagious Fortune (Season 5 Episode 14)

Good afternoon. My name is Neville P. Scratchings. I recently graduated from Doctor Fegg's Medical Training Institute for the Almost Criminally Insane. I enrolled for a small monthly fee and no questions asked. Every week, Dr Fegg would send us our training pack in the post which consisted of a medical dictionary, a stethoscope and a randomly selected body part from a undetermined source. If we students managed to successfully identify at least three out of ten of the items sent we received our general practitioner certificate and a a voucher for 10% off at Dodgy Ken's Finger Print Removal Service.

Sunday, 15 April 2018

Not A Lot Goin' On - Corner Gas News April 2018

It is well recorded that it is hard to break into the world of world record breaking breaking records. In as much as I tried I could not get the people at Guinness to identify me as having smashed the most vinyl LP's between the period of 1981 and 2015. When I called them, they were so full of doubt and skepticism. Rude! Apparently, seventeen broken long players in such an extended period of time didn't show off the psychical aptitude or skill required to obtain recognition! Then they had the audacity to request proof of my record breaking broken records attempt, of which I had none. If I had known they were not just going to take my word for it I would have stopped my mum from tiding my bedroom up.

Monday, 2 April 2018

A Lovely Chat with Lorne Cardinal

It is very difficult to describe how I was feeling just before the conversation I am about to transcribe for you. A few seconds before I was to interview the legendary Lorne Cardinal I was talking to the equally legendary Fred Ewanuick and Nancy Robertson. In readiness for these little chats I had spent rather a long time putting together a copious amount of questions that I hoped would be a little against the norm and will belay any boredom in my subjects who were half way through a two day press marathon, no doubt being asked the same few questions over and over.

What I hadn't quite prepared for was that Fred and Nancy were a right couple of chatty charlies! Their down to earthness threw me off guard. Now I wasn't sure what to expect when the second part of my interview was to take place. I had to decide if I should throw caution to the wind and wing it to keep the relaxed atmos flowing. Maybe I should stick to the script so the powers that be who organised the whole thing don't get cross and make me sit on the naughty step, for not pushing Corner Gas Animated enough in my questioning. The naughty step, in this case, would geographically mean I would have to go and sit on the coast of the Isle of Wight pointing in the direction of Nova Scotia until I agree to be good

I needn't have worried, Mr. Cardinal was as equally forthcoming and charming. Which made me realise something important.

A Lovely Chat with Fred Ewanuick and Nancy Robertson

April 2nd. A red letter day in all our diaries. A day that will go down in the annuls of televisual history. I think we all know what I am talking about (if I was texting, this is where I would put an emoji of a winky face.) Yes indeed, today is Easter Bank Holiday and ITV 3 have scheduled a back to back Carry On marathon for a historic 37th year in a row!

Here in England, on a bank holiday such as today, the government arranges for it to pis...rain very hard so all we can do is stay in drink tea and watch the mandated Carry On films until the holiday is over or our eyes start bleeding, which ever comes first. It's the law you know, if you fail to watch at least Carry on Camping and at Carry on at Your Convenience you can be fined up to £350 or do a week of community service.

Elsewhere in the world excitement has reached fever pitch as the premiere of Corner Gas Animated is only hours away! This week the cast and crew were running around Toronto promoting like crazy and having a lovely time of it by the looks of things. Three of the gang took time out of their hectic schedule to take the weight of their feet and have a little chat with me about the up coming show, future projects and an awful lot about how awesome British telly is.

Fred Ewanuick (FE), Nancy Robertson (NR) spoke to me over the phone. It was a real thrill when they called, mainly because it meant I wasn't paying the phone bill.

Sunday, 1 April 2018

By Popular Demand - Hook, Line and Sinker (Season 1, Episode 11)


Review by Charles Culbertson - Corner Gas Fan Corner's Official U.S. Correspondent 

               I've gone on record as saying that my favorite Corner Gas episode is "Buzz Driver." Ian Richards noted it in his eloquent and moving review of the episode, and one would naturally suppose that I'm hedged in by the public record. But fortunately, in this ever-evolving Internet world of ours, it's okay to waffle, bail out, switch allegiances, and even abandon ship. All of which I'm now doing, since I've changed my mind about my favorite CG episode. It's now "Hook, Line and Sinker."
               Even more significantly, this review is the result of a confluence of epic events.
               First, while recently perusing my collection of the CG seasons, I chose to watch "Hook, Line and Sinker"—mostly because it's been awhile since I last watched it. So I did. And then I watched it again. And then, as breathlessly as I'm writing this epistle, I emailed Ian and suggested a review of this intensely funny episode from the lives of the Dog River gang.
               Here's where the confluence comes in. At about the time I was hooting and chortling over "Hook, Line and Sinker," Ian was receiving an email from one of his untold millions of devoted fans. This one went by the name of Mike Thomas—location unknown—who extolled the virtues of "Hook, Line and Sinker" and suggested a review of same. Ian said that he had fully expected to write the review himself, but that his parole officer had mandated some additional community service and he was finding it hard to get to his computer. Apparently there was a lot of litter to be picked up on a roundabout near his home.
               Anyway. Ian asked if I could write the review, and I acquiesced. One simply doesn't argue with a jackass like Ian. I'd be a jackass if I did. So: for you, Mike Thomas, wherever you are, here's a look at your favorite episode and mine, "Hook, Line and Sinker."

Sunday, 4 March 2018

The Complete and Utter History of Corner Gas Animated...so far

Last week my cable provider sent me a new set top box. It's apparently very whizzy and has various flashing lights on it and connections on the back with important sounding letters printed above them. I have no idea what those letters mean but if you put the right wires in them they let you watch nearly 415 channels of televisual excitement. Hours and hours of content on every subject, of every genre. In any given twenty four hour period there are more programmes to watch than you could possibly fit into a lifetime. That is before you factor in catch up, plus one and sports services and all the movie channels and box sets. Then how is it, with all this choice, super high speed connections and technology available with just a press of a button that every night my wife and I spend more time flicking through with the remote past hundreds of programmes only to decide that it's all rubbish and there is nothing on!

Sunday, 25 February 2018

Not A Lot Goin' On - Corner Gas News February 2018

It's Sunday morning. I am sitting in my kitchen looking out of the patio doors at my English countryside setting. In the distance I can hear the birds playing in the trees, their singing occasionally broken by the call of a group of seagulls as they float through the bright blue sky with more grace than their cumbersome size should allow. There is not a cloud to be seen, less to stop the bright sun beating a path to the lush green, grass of my modest lawn. A gentle breeze blows through the early blooming daffodils that dance slowly to tune created by nature that only they can hear. I heed the call of the beauty of the scene as I feel the need to embrace it's siren song before it ebbs into twilight mist. I stride out of my door and breathe in a chestful of the crisp morning air. As it often does, only too soon, the beauty fades as the early morning quietness is broken as I shout "Holy Hell it's cold!" and run back in where all the central heating is at.

Sunday, 18 February 2018

By Popular Demand - Merry Gasmas (Season Three, Episode 13)

Here we are, already half way through February. The recent holiday season is a dim and distant memory, with exception of the part where Grandma over did it on the Sherry Trifle and mistook the cat for her new slippers. The neighbourhood is almost fairy light free. Only number 73, down the road, have steadfastly refused to take down the humourous, illuminated Santa falling down the chimney display that has now been on their roof since 2005. All of the over bought foodie treats have finally been demolished, only a few orange creme chocolates remain, because nobody likes them. They will no doubt end up in a gift hamper next year for Auntie Mable, because nobody likes her either. The Easter Eggs are already in the shops and have been since Boxing Day. All this can only mean one thing. That's right! Only 317 days until Christmas!!! It's almost March and we really ought to be thinking about getting the tree out again and putting the Brussel Sprouts on to boil!

Monday, 5 February 2018

Not A Lot Goin' On - Corner Gas Animated Special

Well folks, we have all waited patiently for days, months, years and finally we need wait no longer! Tonight the pressure is released, anxiety is washed away and excitement replaces them as tonight was very special. Tonight, we finally got to see the trailer for Solo: A Star Wars Movie and it looks way better than the whole of The Last Jedi did. Phew....that's a weight off and no mistake.

If you were lucky enough to be watching the telly for the correct 15 seconds on CTV during the latest Superbowl you also got to see a teaser trailer for Corner Gas:Animated!!! Corner Gas fan's across Canada tuned in to the channel who weren't even interested in game, they sat glued waiting for television history to be made. No doubt just before the moment arrived they thought they were safe to pop to the toilet for a second and missed the whole darned thing.

Saturday, 3 February 2018

Brent Butt: 30 Years A Stand Up

1993

Standing in the tiny, dimly lit corridor that runs behind the stage from the dressing room, one of the nights comedians stands waiting for the M.C. to announce his name. Just behind him is the dressing room, full of professional comedians all waiting to see how the new guy is going to do, not expecting much more than failure. It is open mic night, and they have seen hundreds of new comers die a horrible death on this stage and many others like it, all over the country. The first of the two open mic acts went on twenty minutes before, his performance taken from his drama school final exam entry met with icy silence, save a soul voice from the back of the room that advised that the fledgling comic's taxi has arrived. That chaps failure only adds to the tension welling in the second acts stomach as he stands there, in among the electric cables, dust and mice. He starts breathing deeply, nerves suddenly get the better of him as he searches his brain for his opening gag which has disappeared from his memory, despite being repeated over and over as he traveled up to the gig.

"Ladies and gentlemen, it's his first time at The Comedy Store, please welcome...."

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Monday, 22 January 2018

By Popular Demand - Get the F Off My Lawn (Season 6 Episode 18)

Good Afternoon. My name is Dr. Hugh G. Bosom. I am senior executive of the Registration Union of Double Entendres. We at R.U.D.E. are in sole charge of documenting evidence from any media that present naughty things to an audience wrapped in thinly veiled innocence. We then place our findings in our monthly magazine for public consumption. In other words we grab hold of someones unmentionables and show them to everyone.

Sunday, 14 January 2018

Not A Lot Goin' On - Competition Special

Another year has passed. 2017 has fizzled out like so many sparklers in the fancy, schmancy cocktail of time and space. This is the beginning of a new year that is bright, shiny and still in a factory sealed wrapper. This is a point where we can take a moment to look back at what we have learnt from the previous twelve months. We can also look forward to the future and sideways to present. We can choose to turn things upside down or right side up as we stand in the middle of a Dodecahedron of choices in the geometrical equation of life.