Sunday, 20 May 2018

Cooking with Gas (or Electric) - Chili Cheese Dogs

It has come to my attention that we, as human beings, have an innate design flaw. We regularly get hungry when there is no possibility of eating a chili cheese dog - food of kings and all time favourite of Brent Leroy. How often have you been in a car, in the dentists chair or sitting in McDonalds and there is nothing remotely edible in your immediate vicinity, let alone a decent chili cheese dog? During Scott's expedition, Lawrence Oates famously got so desperate for the sausagey treat that he found himself saying "I am just going out and I maybe sometime" before he headed off on his own to try and find an Antarctic branch of Dairy Queen.



Karen received third degree burns for not using the oven gloves again
Sometimes, when the chili hunger strikes you have to make do with sub-standard fare such as Pate de Foie Gras, Czernina, Duck a l'orange and Rouennaise sauce followed by Vanilla Flummery with Raspberry coulee. In one paragraph alone, all this fancy food has just wiped out half the worlds duck population. In London these days you can not move for Michellin starred chefs flinging fancy fare your way and chasing you down the street with a Ballotine of Guinea Fowl when all you want is some spicy ground chuck on top of processed, non specific, sausage shaped meat.

Have you ever noticed how the more you pay for food the smaller the portions get? Maybe I am wrong and in a fancy restaurant the portions stay the same but the plates get bigger? All I know is when I leave I have spent £100 on dinner and I am still hungry. I bet that never happened in The Ruby!

In the 70's it was impossible to eat dinner without it having hair and cigarette ash in it
Now, I have to give proper journalistic balance to this article, as is required by the Geneva Convention, the Dead Sea Scrolls and the Beyeux Tapestry. I must acknowledge the fact that some people out there like a bit of the old poncy nosh on their plate. There are those  that are very passionate about it and even compete to see who is the best at grilling it up. For the longest time they had to practice their hobby in underground cooking clubs. It could all get very messy as there was no proper referee and angry chefs would beat the living creme fraiche out of each other.  That's when the show Masterchef was produced, to give these cooking types somewhere to compete without there being mango parfait based injuries.

This week, in the Canadian version of the popular worldwide show. Some familiar faces turned up to help the judges along with their latest round of oven antics.

            

So what better way to celebrate this momentous occasion than to present to you the ultimate chili cheese dog recipe! Nowhere in the world will you find one better. I know this for a fact in as much as I trawled the internet and looked at dozens of recipes and they are all pretty much the same so there for my guarentee is sound and safe from legal ramifications.

Captain Fred Lungs and William Skirting-Board invented the first waffle iron in 1953
I will however warn you this is not the official Corner Gas Chili Cheese Dog Recipe.  This can be found in Tales from Dog River: The Official Corner Gas Episode Guide by the wonderful Michele Sponagle. So here is the Corner Gas Fan Corner Non Official Corner Gas Chilli Cheese Dog Chili Cheese Dog!

YOU WILL NEED

A house with a kitchen - preferably your own

2 Teaspoons of olive oil                                         
"Marge the DEA are here about the ingredients in your plumb pudding"
1 Small chopped onion
1 Chopped clove of garlic
1 Tablespoon of chili powder
2 Teaspoons of smoked paprika
1/2 Teaspoon of ground cumin
1/4 Teaspoon of cayenne pepper
12 Ounces of ground beef
1 can of chopped tomatoes
1 Cup of tomato sauce
1 Teaspoon of Worcestershire sauce
Salt to taste
8 Hot Dogs
8 Hot Dog buns
Grated Cheddar Cheese, chopped red onion and jalapenos to garnish

Valerie " Killer" Loins always makes sure
there are no fingerprints left at the scene of
the crime

DIRECTIONS

1. Heat the olive oil over a medium heat, add the onion and garlic, cook until translucent (takes about 4-6 minutes). Stir in the chili powder, smoked paprika, ground cumin and cayenne pepper. Cook until fragrant.

2. Add the ground beef and brown off, break up the meat into small pieces with a wooden spoon whilst cooking. Stir in the diced tomatoes, tomato sauce and Worcestershire sauce and bring to a simmer. Continue to cook for a further 15 minutes until thickened. Add salt to taste.

3. Heat a grill to a moderate temperature whilst the chili simmers, prick the hot dogs so the skins do not burst and grill until golden brown colour and slightly swollen. Should take around 5-7 minutes.

4. Place hot dogs into the buns and spoon over heaps of chili. Garnish with cheese, red onion and jalapenos to suit.

5. Eat until finished

6. Burp

7. Say "Pardon the Parsnips"

8. Repeat steps 1 - 7

So there you have it, the perfect unofficial Corner Gas dinner. I must go all this hot dog talk has made me peckish. Unfortunately, it's Sunday and being British I am duty bound to have a roast dinner or the Queen will put me in the tower. Again.

Uncle McDingle came to dinner wearing a kilt in 1976 and was never found again