Not A Lot Goin' On - Corner Gas News - August 2018

I just looked at the clock, it's quarter past August already! Where does the time go? We here in in England have been subjected this summer to something called sun. It has been so hot that ginger people, such as myself, have been spontaneously combusting on the pavement leaving nothing but a pair of boots with smoke coming out of them. It is very hard to be English in these sort of conditions. We have to stop complaining about the rain, which leaves us with a massive hole in our day with nothing to do. There have been swathes of pensioners, wandering the streets, trying to cope without a beige raincoat on. Our economy has taken a massive hit as umbrella sales hit an all time low and wellington boots manufacturing had to be slowed to a crawl. It's been hotter than Kylie Minogue's bottom wearing hot pants in a hot cross bun factory. 

They Write the Songs - Jesse Valenzuela

JESSE VALENZUELA

(Corner Gas Theme Tune - Writer/Performer)

They Write the Songs - Craig Northey

Craig Northey

(Corner Gas Theme Tune/Score - Corner Gas Animated)

Corner Gas: Fan Made

Since I started Corner Gas Fan Corner I have encouraged audience participation. I get lot of nice e-mails and communication with many of you out there. However, entries of fan made Corner Gas items have been few and far between. So I thought I would give you a couple of examples of things that have been sent to me and a chunk of something I am working on to see if I can get your creative juices flowing.

By Popular Demand - Picture Perfect (Season 3 Episode 9)

Hello everyone and welcome to your favourite game show Name That Gnome! We have three teams of wonderful contestants here competing to get to our final round where they could win not only their body weight in Sprudmuckers Home Style Chunky Cottage Cheese but they could also take home this weeks jackpot from Gary the Gnomes Lucky Pot O'Gold. Don't forget, no one claimed the star prize last week when our round winner, 87 year old Doris Prunes, couldn't make it through our qualifying obstacle course. If only she hadn't have worn red in the bull run. So it's a rollover week folks! Let's follow the magic rainbow totaliser and see what this weeks jackpot is.....

.....That's right! 77 whole cents could be going home tonight with one of our contestants, and don't forget, that's tax free! Before we meet our players let's have a word from our sponsor.

Dog River Denizens - Corrine Koslo

Corrine Koslo 

(Emma Leroy - Corner Gas Animated)

Not A Lot Goin' On - Corner Gas News June 2018

Many years ago, just after tea time, John Logie Baird was sitting at the dining room table. His belly was full up with the roast shortbread and Haggis Surprise his wife had lovingly prepared.
"What was the surprise in the Haggis John Logie Baird's wife?" asked John Logie Baird
"Do ye nay what is in Haggis the noo?" she replied Scottishly
"No" he replied, adjusting his sporran
"Well that's the surprise" she told him before hiding the cook book and starting the car engine ready for a quick getaway in case he found out. "It's ye turn ta dae the dishes dear." she advised
JLB looked sheepish, it must have been his white, curly hair. "Ahh I cannae the neet. I havetae invent the television" he bleated
"Not again, ye invented that three times this week already....the noo" she complained
"Ah yes but I have tee perfect Ultra HD and Dolby Tru Surround so we can watch Corner Gas Animated properly" he explained in an accent so broad it couldn't fit through the door.
His wife suddenly became over excited. We have yet to discover her name. John din't know what it was either, she had never told him and he didn't like to ask as they had been married quite some time now. "What time is Corner Gas Animated on?" She jabbered
"2018" he replied after checking his watch.
"Hoots mon! That's only 89 years away! I'll get the kettle on and boil some shortbread. You finish inventing that telly!"
JLB sat back knowing that he had changed history and successfully got out of doing the washing up again.

Dog River Denizens - Fred Ewanuick

Fred Ewanuick

(Hank Yarbo)

Cooking with Gas (or Electric) - Chili Cheese Dogs

It has come to my attention that we, as human beings, have an innate design flaw. We regularly get hungry when there is no possibility of eating a chili cheese dog - food of kings and all time favourite of Brent Leroy. How often have you been in a car, in the dentists chair or sitting in McDonalds and there is nothing remotely edible in your immediate vicinity, let alone a decent chili cheese dog? During Scott's expedition, Lawrence Oates famously got so desperate for the sausagey treat that he found himself saying "I am just going out and I maybe sometime" before he headed off on his own to try and find an Antarctic branch of Dairy Queen.

By Popular Demand - Contagious Fortune (Season 5 Episode 14)

Good afternoon. My name is Neville P. Scratchings. I recently graduated from Doctor Fegg's Medical Training Institute for the Almost Criminally Insane. I enrolled for a small monthly fee and no questions asked. Every week, Dr Fegg would send us our training pack in the post which consisted of a medical dictionary, a stethoscope and a randomly selected body part from a undetermined source. If we students managed to successfully identify at least three out of ten of the items sent we received our general practitioner certificate and a a voucher for 10% off at Dodgy Ken's Finger Print Removal Service.