Not A Lot Goin' On - Corner Gas News, April 2019

You know how nice it is to have some time off work. Have a week, maybe two if you are lucky, so you can spend some quality time practicing your hobby of Underwater Origami. It's all well and lovely until you get back to your desk at the office to find that Trevor from accounts, who was supposed to cover for you phoned in sick as his Philtrum had swollen up, because of an allergic reaction to his Aunt's athletes foot powder, and made his mustache all wonky ("I can't come in today, my mustache is crooked") . So now you have to catch up with a work load impossibly large and you will have to work late and miss your pottery lesson - just as you were about to do a grading and get your black belt in Earthenware.

Happy Easter!!

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By Popular Demand - Your 100 Greatest Corner Gas Moments - Pt 4

Welcome back!!! Here we are at Ilfracombe Village Hall and Lido where we are about to discover the final 25 most popular episodes and scenes from Corner Gas! It's been a long haul folks, I know. I have been standing at this podium for so long now I have become a listed monument. Now, I know some of you have been drinking rather a lot and at the end of the ceremony there may well be a bit of a rush for the toilets. Well this may be a good time to point out that after last weeks all you can eat chili and prune festival there has been a bit of a plumbing issue and the council have yet to release the requisition paperwork for a new plunger. Please flush gently people. Which is a nice segue into a word from our sponsors!

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By Popular Demand - Your 100 Greatest Corner Gas Moments - Pt 3

WELCOME BACK TO ILLFRACOMBE MUNICIPAL VILLAGE HALL AND LIDO. WHAT A GREAT HALF TIME SHOW THAT WAS!! IT'S A SHAME THAT IT WAS RAINING SO HARD AND WE HAD TO BRING IT ALL INSIDE. FIREWORKS ARE A LOT LOUDER INDOORS AREN'T THEY! WELL THAT SAVES THEM HAVING TO RAISE MONEY FOR THE NEW SKYLIGHT AT LEAST. THOSE ELEPHANTS DON'T HALF SHIFT WHEN THEY GET A FRIGHT DON'T THEY! WE'LL GET ON WITH THE COUNTDOWN OF YOUR GREATEST CORNER GAS MOMENTS AFTER THESE MESSAGES.

By Popular Demand - Your 100 Greatest Corner Gas Moments - Pt 2

Welcome back to Ilfracombe Municiple Village Hall and Lido! We are here celebrating the 100 greatest Corner Gas moments as voted for by people all around the world who had nothing better to do! All the guests are re-seated now. I would like to confirm to you all that the fire has been put out. If next year the Academy could choose someone other than Bob to man the complementary BBQ. I have warned you before what happens before his medication kicks in. Right, with no further ado, no dilly dallying, let's get straight on with the count down after this message from our sponsor.

By Popular Demand - Your 100 Greatest Corner Gas Moments - Pt 1

Good evening. Ladies, Gentlemen, distinguished members of the Academy. We have gathered here at the Ilfracombe Municiple Villiage Hall and Lido to celebrate six seasons of classic Corner Gas moments. I must mention that I have been asked to make sure that our ceremony is finished by seven o'clock so the over 70's Freestyle Pole Dancing Team can get in the hall to start practice on time. I hear they have a real chance of winning the cup this year if Edith recovers from that terrible accident when her support tights got caught in that revolving door.

First a quick word from our sponsors.

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Not A Lot Goin' On - Breaking News Special Report

I think I may have psychic powers. If any secret governmental bodies would like to sign me up to an elite group of superheroes made of disparate, rag tag, mismatched supers who write blogs about popular regional comedy television series, please get in touch via the addresses on my contact page. We could be called The Nichemen!  I must get a costume sorted, which is the hardest part of being a superhero. Finding that much Spandex at a wholesale price isn't easy you know. Then you have the tricky decisions, like undies on the inside or undies on the outside. It's a sartorial nightmare I tell you!

The Directors Cuts - David Storey and The Side Road Scholars - Made in Canada

Canadian Duty Free is awesome. Why? Because you can buy massive frozen Salmon. That's why. Of all the things to offer tourists exiting your country! Perhaps it's a common scenario -

"Hey Marge, I got a keyring with a Moose on it for Steve, A Moose shaped Peanut Allergy Tester for Cynthia and the Moose Hair Wig for Trevor. But darn it, if I didn't forget to purchase a 50 pound, vacuum sealed, frozen Salmon for Grandma. Where in the dickens will I find one of those here in departures?"

With a Little Help From Friends - Dog River Howlers

For sometime now I have been trying to think of ways to use this site to promote charitable foundations. It is actually harder than you would think. There are so many worthy causes that need our support. Then there is trying to come up with a way to raise peoples awareness of your chosen charity and finding a novel way to raise a few bucks to help out. I am never short of ideas, good or bad, so I have the last point well and truly covered and will share those plans with you all at a later date. However, choosing a cause still had me stumped until recently. In all my days I would have never have thought to look in the direction of the popular sport of Rugby.

Whilst the crowd is captivated by the on pitch action
Jeremy Staple-Gun feels he is safe to check his B.O. without
getting spotted

Just in case you are like me and are genetically predisposed to be more use sitting behind a desk typing than being on a sport based pitch, court or field here is a brief summary of how to play the game of Rugby -

Two opposing teams of large men or women huddle together in the middle of some mud. This is called a Scrum. They discuss their life choices and last nights television for a moment until someone blows a whistle which is the signal to start kicking each other in the shins. Eventually, someone in the scrum discovers there is a ball in amongst the mud and runs away with it. Everyone then chases that person and indiscriminately chooses members of the opposite team to mush into some sort of patty.

The player with the ball, or the "target" as he is known, has to move the ball as far forward as possible without being squished into molecules. He may be required to pass the ball to a team mate. He does this by throwing the ball backwards to where he has just come from. If you throw the ball forwards to where it actually needs to be you have to spend ten minutes of the game on the naughty step. If the ball manages to reach the correct end of the pitch this is called a "Try" which is short for "Try not to bleed on the grass thank you". The winner is the team with the most players with noses that do not look like a relief map of the Rockies.

The Basketball/Rugby mash up experiment was abandoned
as it was deemed far too silly

Maybe I shouldn't make fun of Rugby. My family, being Welsh in origin, are duty bound to follow the sport. My father and Uncle were both avid Rugby players in their youth. I was told many stories over the years of their antics on and off the pitch that often ended "...and then he relocated the bones himself". So many tales of seeming brutality that made me wonder if my two relatives had taken one too many blows to the noggin whilst playing. Which would explain quite a lot actually.

Obviously, I jest about the psychical aspect of the game, there is much more to it than just pulverising the person in front of you. I always asked my Dad if the on pitch intensity made for bad feelings between teams off of it as is often reported after a soccer match for example. Nothing like it, opposing sides were always very amiable and would enjoy each others company in the pub after a match. There was a sense of community and camaraderie which doesn't often pervade rivalries in other sports. There is no finer example of this than with The Dog River Howlers Rugby Club.

A few months ago I was lucky enough to spend the day with Lorne Cardinal and his wonderful wife Monique Herteau. Lorne gifted me a rather natty rugby shirt from The Dog River Howlers. He explained to me that it was a team set up, in the name of the fictional home town of our beloved Corner Gas friends, to support charities around the world. The team is made of of players, of which Lorne is the honorary Captain, from all over Canada and some from other parts of the world. They travel to different countries to play rugby and give something back to worthy causes in that country and their communities.

The team was founded in 2007 by Karl Fix and since has managed to raise over $1,000,000 to support Rugby and non Rugby related causes. Some of these include Canadian First Nations Education, Cuban Rugby and Orphanages, Prostate Cancer Support, Shelters for Abused Women and Children and many many more.

The Howlers mantra is "Rugby is more than a game, but a way of life". They carry the ethics and ideals of the game over to their ultimate aim, to help those in need and have a lot of fun a long the way. The efforts of Karl and his fellow Howlers are to be commended. The teams excellent website lists all the causes and individuals that have benefited from their work, and it is a long list. A remarkable feat by anyone's standards.

When the Howlers travel to parts far and wide the players fund everything themselves from planes tickets and accommodation to meals. The fact that every spare penny is given to charity there is even more meaning to all the effort these good people put in.

Everything that the Howlers stand for can be seen in the symbolism of their badge. The colours are red to represent the Canadian flag, Orange the colour of the prairie moon and black the prairie midnight sky. The moon is a symbol of life and the beauty of the prairies. The Coyote is a pack animal that hunts alone much like being a member of a rugby team. The grain elevator stands for the co-operative spirit shown by pioneers that helped them to survive in a hostile environment, it is the same spirit that is carried onto the rugby pitch.

 I feel that the Howlers are the perfect example of a charity that deserves support, especially from a community of Corner Gas fans such as ours. If you would like to learn more about the group and their activities or even show some support please visit their website here. I will report on any fixtures that the teams have coming up. I also intend to show support of my own in the near future details of which will be available in an up coming post.

So go get your boots on! Let's go help a good cause and squish someone into protons whilst doing it!

Not A Lot Goin' On - Corner Gas News January 2019

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A fresh new year is upon us. A chance for a metaphorical new wardrobe. Time to throw away last seasons jacket of lethargy and head scarf of boredom and stride forward in the pantaloons of excitement tucked in the top of the walking boots of enthusiasm.