WELCOME BACK TO ILLFRACOMBE MUNICIPAL VILLAGE HALL AND LIDO. WHAT A GREAT HALF TIME SHOW THAT WAS!! IT'S A SHAME THAT IT WAS RAINING SO HARD AND WE HAD TO BRING IT ALL INSIDE. FIREWORKS ARE A LOT LOUDER INDOORS AREN'T THEY! WELL THAT SAVES THEM HAVING TO RAISE MONEY FOR THE NEW SKYLIGHT AT LEAST. THOSE ELEPHANTS DON'T HALF SHIFT WHEN THEY GET A FRIGHT DON'T THEY! WE'LL GET ON WITH THE COUNTDOWN OF YOUR GREATEST CORNER GAS MOMENTS AFTER THESE MESSAGES.
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49 - Season 5 Episode 8 - Classical Gas
...but Emma is good at (almost) putting her foot in it too!
48 - Season 4 Episode 1 - Hair Comes the Judge
Who is this guy anyway?!?
We all know that malingerer who will do anything to keep up the pretense that his bad back prevents him from doing chores, like staining The Rubys deck. Hank has a little lie down in the grass to put a cold compress on his "bad back"!
47 - Season 2 Episode 15 - Rock On
Oscar: Back in the '70's I wrote a tune called Mona the Monkey. Next thing you know, I turn on
the radio and there's Earl the Squirrel
Karen: That's not exactly what we in the Police business call "hard evidence"
Davis: It's not even soft evidence
Oscar: Mona the Monkey? Earl the Squirrel?
Lacey: Casper the Ghost. Dennis the Menace.
Lacey: Tony the Tiger
Davis: Winnie the Pooh
Lacey: Soup of the Day
Oscar: Your all smart. Maybe Tony the Pooh doesn't know when he's being ripped off, ever think
about that?
Some familiar looking local kids are using Brent's garage for band practice
46 - Season 1, Episode 12 - Face Off
Here's an image you can't ever un-see!! Brent in his undies!
Everyone loves Wanda in the commentary booth -
Brent: I love the way you call games. What is it you call a goal again?
Wanda: Twine tickler!
Brent: Uh, offside?
Wanda: Premature!
Brent: Someone elbows somebody in the mouth?
Wanda: Bender in the beer hole!
Brent: I make a huge save?
Wanda: That's never come up
45 - Season 2 Episode 3 - Smell of Freedom
Brent discovers Davis has no sense of smell - that is until Davis falls off a ladder thanks to Oscar!
Davis: I feel strange. I smell burning toast
Oscar: Oh, now the big guy's gonna have a seizure. Wait I smell it too.
(Shot of Emma blowing a toaster with burning toast out the window)
Emma: Damn thing
(Back to Oscar and Davis)
Davis: Do you know what this means?
Oscar: I caught your epilepsy!
Oscar: Oh, now the big guy's gonna have a seizure. Wait I smell it too.
(Shot of Emma blowing a toaster with burning toast out the window)
Emma: Damn thing
(Back to Oscar and Davis)
Davis: Do you know what this means?
Oscar: I caught your epilepsy!
44 - Season 1, Episode 5 - Grad '68
Karen: So Brent graduated in '86...
Oscar: And I got dragged to the graduation! Why the hell do I have to go?! Wow, my son graduated! Big deal! He did what he was supposed to do. Plus, I had to buy him a special hat with a tassel and he never even wore it again!
Karen: Right, I ...
Oscar: And you had to sit there and listen to some guy yammer on and on, and they got you there, and there's nothing you can do, just going on and on...
Karen: (Facepalm)
43 - Season 2, Episode 9 - Bingo Night
Bingo night needs a new caller
Meanwhile, over at Corner Gas..
Brent: Oh, hey Hank
Hank: Hey...where you going?
Brent: Inventory, Why?
Hank: Oh, I thought you could take a break, uh - have a coffee, you know, hang out...
Brent: Ah sorry, you're too late - I just hung out with Karen
Hank: But, that's not hanging out - she's a girl! I mean she probably talked about, uh, clouds and skirts and...rainbows
Brent: Actually, we had a very stimulating conversation about authority and morality in the new millennium. Why, was there something special you you wanted to talk abut?
Hank: Oh yeah. Where do you think people who live in igloos go to the bathroom?
Brent: Oh jeez, that's a good one too.
42 - Season 2, Episode 16 - Air Show
Hank: People like petting zoos, people like kissing booths.
Brent: Yeah, but a kissing zoo? That's a bad idea. What's this idea, a petting booth?
Wanda: Heavy petting booth, there's your money maker.
41 - Season 2, Episode 11 - Hurry Hard
Karen is in charge of security for the coveted Curling Championship Clavet Cup
Brent is off to see a car salesman
Brent: Right. And let's not take any guff from those salesmen!
Hank: Guff?
Brent: Strong language, but I think it's called for. We'll brook no foolishness!
Lacey: Check - no guff brooking
Hank: What's wrong with Guff Brooking? He's got some good tunes
Lacey: OK time to go
39 - Season 3, Episode 16 - Physical Credit
Karen: (Reading title of Davis' book) "The Secret of Skull Mountain"?
Davis: Bet you didn't take me for a Hardy Boys reader did you?
Karen: Aren't you a little old for those
Davis: What? It's a very realistic crime drama about smugglers holed up in a mountain...shaped like a skull. What's with the getup?
Karen: I'm getting ready for the new physical
Davis: What physical?
Karen: The province is bringing in new standards for rural police forces. Didn't you read the memo?
Davis: I don't have time to read memos! (returns to book) Oh boy - Frank and Joe are in quite the pickle!
38 - Season 3, Episode 4 - Will and Brent
Davis: (After breaking the new breathalyzer) We just need to figure out a different test is all. What are things you can't do when you're drunk?
Karen: Say no to pizza? Stop yelling at you for breaking my breathalyzer?
Davis: No. Like play pick up sticks
Karen: I can play pick up sticks when I'm drunk, everyone can
Davis: Really? Hope I kept the receipt for the pick up sticks...
After Lacey gets a little prissy about her bulletin board the no rules board at Corner Gas gets very popular all of a sudden
Oscar finally got the paper route he always wanted since he was a young boy!
36 - Season 4, Episode 3 - Two Degrees of Separation
Digital thermosats can play merry hell with your consitution
Digital thermosats can play merry hell with your consitution
Oscar is upset about something. Makes a change.
35 - Season 4, Episode 14 - The Good Old Table Hockey Game
Lacey is keen to join a local association for youngish ladies -
Lacey: If I join I can nominate someone as a Distinguished Woman
Brent: What's their definition of distinguished?
Hank: A woman who was on fire and they put her out
Lacey: A woman who's distinguished herself
Hank: Oh. That's even harder
33 - Season 4, Episode 17 - Seeing Things
Never do the fingers thing after the scheme, always before.
 |
| Wrong Fingers thing |
 |
| Right fingers thing |
Tune in next week for more nuggets from "The Wisdom of Hank"
31 - Season 6, Episode 1 - Full Load
Davis: License and registration
Hank: What did I do?
Davis: You didn't fix your broken tail light. I told you like a thousand times
Hank: Exaggeration! It was maybe ten times
Davis: Like ten million times. How are people going to know when you've stopped?
Hank: They hit the back of the truck; that's how I broke the light
30 - Season 4, Episode 13 - Census Sensibility
Davis: License and registration
Hank: What did I do?
Davis: You didn't fix your broken tail light. I told you like a thousand times
Hank: Exaggeration! It was maybe ten times
Davis: Like ten million times. How are people going to know when you've stopped?
Hank: They hit the back of the truck; that's how I broke the light
30 - Season 4, Episode 13 - Census Sensibility
29 - Season 6, Episode 15 - R2 Bee Too
Karen: Are you cutting a hole in the trunk for Artoo Detoo?
Davis: He can ride with us! GPS? Don't need it anymore. Artoo Detoo! Phones? Don't need 'em. Artoo Detoo! We can send holographic messages to each other!
Karen: Why would we want to do that?
(Davis imagines Artoo projecting a holographic image of Karen in the police station)
Karen: Davis, you're my only hope! I need to borrow your stapler!....Davis, you're my only hope! I need to borrow your stapler!
(back in the real world)
Karen: Hypothetically speaking, if I wanted to transfer, where are the forms?
Need an idea to start a brand new dance craze? Why not try and dispose of a bee hive. Here's Wanda to show you how to do "The Bee" the hip new dance that has all the kids talking.
28 - Season 4, Episode 7 - I Witness
Hank: Hey Brent. I was driving the ball picker up at the driving range and I had one of those....what you call them?
Brent: Hot Dogs?
Hank: Uh? Epiphanys
Brent: That was my second guess
Oscar, what is 5 x 4 ?
27 - Season 1 Episode 3 - Pilates Twist
Oscar has decided that he is going to make a fine quality coffin for himself. He has a little daydream. How wonderful his funeral will be with his magnificently well made coffin
Emma: I was wrong as I was often when we argued. In fact now that he's gone I realize that every argument we ever had was my fault and Oscar was always right
Brent: I feel the same way me. I wish I listened more, Dad was always right
Hank: You know you two just repeated yourselves but that's ok because I think Oscar was always right about everything and you two were always wrong. I just wanted you to know that
Before you go to sleep, lock all the doors, close all the windows. A shadowy figure may sneek into your bedroom...
.....and measure you up for your coffin.
26 - Season 6, Episode 13 - TV Free Dog River
Davis: Hello Jazz fans. Ths is Downtown Davis. I'm gonna make a phone call, but it is not a real phone call. It's what we call a crank call. Okay, here we go
Brent: (Answers phone) Corner Gas
Davis: Hello
Brent: Hey, Davis
Davis: Oh, it's not Davis this is John Coltrane, jazz saxophonist. Do you have any popsicles?
Brent: Isn't John Coltrane dead?
Davis: Yeah. That's why this is Charlie Parker
Brent: He's dead too
Davis: Right, I mean...Ornette Coleman
Brent: So you want to think this through and call me back?
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SO FOLKS THE END IS NIGH!! WE ARE DOWN TO OUR FINAL 25 CORNER GAS MOMENTS. THE CREME DE LA CREME, THE JEWELS IN THE CROWN, THE BEDKNOBS ON THE BROOMSTICKS!! TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR THE FINAL COUNTDOWN! WHAT IS THAT RINGING? IS IT MY EARS OR IS THE FIRE ALARM STILL GOING OFF? WHAT DO MEAN "STOP SHOUTING?"...RUDE.
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